10 Guidelines For Holiday Hypocrites

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I’m tired of retailers who gladly take my money this time of year but refuse to use the word “Christmas” … the name which symbolizes why I’m shopping in the first place and the reason they make more money this month than any other month in the year.

In writing this article I looked at ten or so websites and the only one to have Christmas on the front page was Walmart. All the others used the term “holiday.” That’s just wrong in my opinion.

Let me just tell you the next time I walk in a store and some sales representative says “Happy Holidays,” I’m going to smile and say, “you know I hope you have a nice day but I believe I’m going to spend my money with folks who say `Merry Christmas.’”

If you know anyone who is offended by Christmas as a “matter of principle,” then I have 10 guidelines for them to follow so they won’t be: Holiday Hypocrites

1. If you don’t like Christmas…give back your Christmas bonus.

2. If you don’t like Christmas. . .go to your children’s school principal and ask him to keep your children in school for the two weeks of Christmas vacation because you don’t believe in Christmas. See how popular that makes you at home.

3. If you don’t like Christmas, mark your Christmas cards “Return to Sender” and send them back to all your relatives and friends who bother you at this time of year, especially the ones where relatives put money inside.

4. If you don’t like Christmas, don’t take your children out at night to show them ”Christmas” lights.

5. If you don’t like Christmas, then eat tofu on the 25th because you it would be wrong for you to eat a Christmas ham or turkey.

6. If you don’t like Christmas, then eat wheat grass instead of the Christmas cookies your Grandma made.

7. If you don’t like Christmas, keep working while everybody else is at the office Christmas party.

8. If you don’t like Christmas, keep those ugly ties you received as gifts, because it would be morally wrong for you to attend the day-after Christmas sales.

9. If you don’t believe in Christmas and what it represents, then begin spending time in your oven to prepare yourself for the day when you move permanently to a much hotter place.

10. If you don’t like Christmas, then I need to pray for you because you’re obviously as lost as a goose in a blizzard.

I’m off my soapbox now … but I still don’t like it when people think it’s freedom of speech to say what they want, but politically incorrect when I and others want to speak an opposing view.